


How much it means

by Sheosaurs_rex



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, One Shot, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 21:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14702922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheosaurs_rex/pseuds/Sheosaurs_rex
Summary: Little fluff thing inspired by Gasoline by Halsey, where Loki comforts the reader whos going through a rough evening when they see on tv how the public views them after footage of the teams latest mission surfaces and with people knowing parts of them were replaced by machine parts to save their life before joining the avengers.





	How much it means

**Author's Note:**

> Flash back in italics, lyrics in bold.
> 
> Having a scrappy week and thought id just write a nice fluff story. Thanks for reading and sorry for any grammar errors!

  

With your eyes glued to the tv screen you watched the news reporters and footage clips they had of the teams last mission, the first actual film of you since you've joined. Yes Tony had a huge conference and introduced you to the world months ago and of course the press had a field day with the history and where you came from and the classified origins. The government experiment as they labeled you, and many questioned if you were a safe and needed addition to the team. One reporter even went so far as to question your view on humans and if you'd protect them or if this would be another Ultron accident.Could you blame them? Yes you understood the fears and see where the worry could come from, but even after the endless interviews and explaining they still saw you as only a machine. A cold robot that's only purpose was to fulfill orders given. There could be nothing further from the truth, nothing...

  

 

_The mission had been a success, all the training paid off and your skills had proven to be one of a kind and exceptional, even possible to give The Black Widow herself a challenge. As every story has a happy side there is always a dark one and that particular mission on that day was when the dark found you. With an unseen heavily armed hydra agent waiting for your exit, you found yourself on the receiving end of multiple gunshots to the chest and head. That was the day you died, or so you thought._

 

_Two weeks later you woke up in a lab, feeling alive but not the same. The scientists explained to you that instead of letting you die and moving on to recruit and train the next they had taken it to the extream and some how downloaded everything that made you you, and up loaded it into this "body". The confusing look you gave made them further explain. Apparently everything about you was still human. You still breathed, would still bleed if cut, and felt pain or emotion, but the difference was your brain and heart were machine. The damage to you was irreversible and they had invested so much into you being the next-generation of trained individuals that they pulled out a secretive side experiment and used you as the test and it seemed to have worked flawlessly according to them._

  

 

The sound of someone straightening their voice alerted you of a new presence in the room. Flicking your eyes from the tv to the person, you found the tall raven haired Trickster God ,Loki watching the footage as well. "Why bother yourself with this circus show of false information? They clearly know nothing and will create any lies needed to have something they deem important to discuss. I should know, God of lies is another title of mine, but even I have standards compared to these fools." His words and smirk at the end ment to comfort you, but even he could tell by your expression they did little to lift you mood.

 

  

 

** Are you insane like me?  **  
**Been in pain like me?**  
**Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?**  
**Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?**  
** Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me? **

  

 

"They see me as a machine, just another robot in Stark's huge collection, they are just waiting to witness a malfunction as they said. But if only they could understand I'm not, I'm just as much a human as you look." You spoke while keeping your eyes fixed on the screen. Loki scoffed at your words, "Don't compare me to them, you know very well I'm far from them, though you may not know everything about me you're smart enough to know that, or so I've heard." He was right, he was from another planet, an alien more or less and rather he was good or bad seemed to flip often, but some way he managed to be part of the avengers. He had many powers and you'd witness him use them but just like you, at first glace someone would think him to be a human.

  

 

** Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me? **  
** Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me? **  
**Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?**  
** Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me? **

  

"I assume you came to cheer me up and make me feel less depressed about this" you asked motioning to the tv. Loki wasn't one to go out of his way to make anyone in a better mood, but yet here he was."Not at all, I simply came to read and with the team gone, it's actually quiet enough to do that here instead of my quarters for once." He spoke before taking a seat and a thick novel appearing from a twist of his hand. "Oh, well I won't keep you from your book, have a good night Loki." You tell him before switching the tv off and leaving for your room. His eyes glanced up from the page he was on, a frown on his lips, he watched you leave with a "you as well (y/n)." Reaching your ears before you disappeared down the hall and into your room.

  

 

**And all the people say**  
**You can't wake up, this is not a dream**  
**You're part of a machine, you are not a human being**  
**With your face all made up, living on a screen**  
** Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline **

  

"So how much do you think it costs Stark to keep that robot running?" The talk show host asked while craking more jokes as the audience laughed. Tears began to build in your eyes. What did you do to deserve this? Why you? They didn't even ask you... You were dead, shot to death doing what they asked you to do, why couldn't they just leave it at that? No they just had to go and make you Frankenstein. Body of a human but heart made of parts, and brain a fucking computer basically. "We downloaded what made you, well you!" Those words.. Always on repeat.. How the hell do you download a person? Nothing about you felt different, you still loved all your favorite things and had every memory, but you saw the pictures in you private file. Your heart was made of various gold parts but looked just like a flesh one, and your brain was swirls of blues instead of the pink tissues of a human. 

  

**I think there's a flaw in my code**  
**These voices won't leave me alone**  
** Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold **

  

A sniffle followed by a light sob left you as the host signed off with a "tune in next week to see if Frankenstein has gone psychotic yet." With your face buried in your hands, you didn't notice the door opening and someone turning off the tv. You jumped when you felt the bed sink with the weight of another taking a seat next to you. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you found Loki once again sitting next to you, but with concern etched into his features. "Darling, why do you let these things get to you and upset you so? They've said much worse things about me." 

 

  

** Are you deranged like me? **  
**Are you strange like me?**  
**Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?**  
**Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?**  
** Pointing fingers 'cause you'll never take the blame like me? **

 

  

"I don't know, and I've heard bits of what was said about you and know some of what you did, but unlike you I am one of them, or well was one of them... I still feel like them, bleed, eat, and live like them but they only see me as some fucking experiment. They are just watching to see if I go on a killing spree... And if I do they will say oh she wasn't programmed right, another fuck up robot that should have been put down. All my friends and family don't speak to me, they considered me dead the day I was shot.." Another sob racked your body cutting you off from continuing.

**And all the people say**  
**You can't wake up, this is not a dream**  
**You're part of a machine, you are not a human being**  
**With your face all made up, living on a screen**  
** Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline **

  

"I can't go out there alone, I can't go to the movies, shopping, or anything like that without the looks, whispers, and people videoing me. My life as I knew it ended six months ago, this.... This... These parts in me... They make me this and nothing they see on me no matter how human I look or how much I bleed I won't be anything more than a disaster waiting to happen in their eyes." You ended the last bit with setting down a folder you pulled from the nightstand  in Loki's lap.  His green eyes watched you with an curious look before he turned them to the file and opened it, scanning over the pictures in it. He laid them down one at a time, first was the heart, the image of your new brain followed it. He then furrowed his brows at the final two pictures, one was your training introduction photo and the second was of you hooked up to various machine and virtually unrecognizable. "What they did to me is.." Your voice cracked as you felt the tears coming again.

 

**I think there's a flaw in my code**  
**These voices won't leave me alone**  
** Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold **

 

  

"My dear, neither of us are anything like them.. You may look like them but even before they added these parts to you, you were different from them. What they did to you saved your life, not changed you. Their mistake is not seeing you for what you truly are as we here see you, as I do... I know how it feels to be in your place, it happened to me before you came to know me as you do now." The tears had dried and you sat there speechless. Loki wasn't really one to have a heartfelt conversation on a Friday night with, let alone open up about his past or feelings. "What do you see when you look at me? A waiting disaster or a robot pretending to be a human?" The sadness still heavy in your voice and your (y/e/c) eyes. "Y/n, from the moment you entered here and joined this team, I saw you the same as I see you today... And darling, that is simply a beautiful masterpiece in everyway, and if they can't see you that way, it's their loss." He calmly spoke as he smiled. You quickly leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug as his long arms enclosed around your body. "That's not the answer I expected, but thank you.. You don't know much that means to me." You squeezed him a little tighter and felt his lips by your ear and heard his smooth voice, "I know it more then you may think."


End file.
